Starting Afresh

"Not every day is good but there is something good in every day." -Winnie the Pooh

First week of my new life has just gone by. I'm still not used to this kind of scheduled lifestyle, but I guess I will eventually, as all my friends say. I saw this quote while watching SNSD's SooYoung's drama (Spring Days of My Life) yesterday and thought it kinda related to my life this week so why not pen down some thoughts about it. BTW, I'm not too sure about the source but she said so in the drama so let's just go with the flow for now. :)

Having a more introverted personality (my close friends think otherwise though), I find it difficult to blend in with new surroundings. New environments always manage to instill some sort of fear in me. I'm one who is easily afraid of the unknown, I'm not the adventurous type when it comes to such things. I mean, who likes the unknown? There are adventurous people, there are people who like to discover things, but to me, those don't mean that you're not fearful of what they don't know, just that they choose to overcome that fear, and have found a way to do so quickly, unlike me for now.

Anyways, I totally realised how much I've slacked off for the past 5 months after graduating from poly, as shown by my unruly body clock and how slow I am at taking in new information now. I used to be able to pick up new skills and such very quickly, but now, I'm still not used to the terminology used and all. Maybe just cause I'm not placed in the real world, dealing with real patients and everything, so the stress gets to me a little (or maybe a lot). I feel like there is a need for me to know everything faster within the 3 month period given, which is not a very long time. But none of this has much correlation with what I've been taught back in BMS, which brings me to think about what this decision of taking on this job will bring for me.

I've honestly thought about it and I can't really see myself doing this job in the long run, say 5 years down the road? I want to continue studying, that's for sure. But then again, what would I study? I have interest in Psychology, but this job, in any case that I do well and the higher ups decide to sponsor my degree education for some reason, I would have to do a related degree which is not exactly what I want right now. This dilemma has been sort of bugging me for a while, especially after having a little welcome chat with the head of my department a couple of days back. He mentioned something along the lines of "This contract we have with you is both ways, should you pass the probation but feel like this is not something you would like to pursue, then you can leave as well."

I don't really know what I want now, and as you can tell from above, I really really really detest uncertainty. I want to be able to do a job that I can feel a passion for and maybe I don't feel it yet, since only a week has passed anyway, but I really want to do something that I love. If this is the path for me, whoever dictated my life story above, I hope that somewhere along my path soon, I would start to fall in love with my job. I would on my part put in much more effort to understand and learn as much from this as possible as well, so please help me, whoever you are.

On a side note, the colleagues have been really nice and friendly (with some exceptions but then again, I learnt not to judge a book by its cover, so they are generally a welcoming bunch) :D who I'm greatly grateful for.They can tell I'm stressed out but they help me along as and when so to me right now, they are my saviours and life buoys as I'm thrown out to this new ocean of a job, like a never ending abyss with so much to learn and take in. The patients have also taught me a lot, and I realised I do like interacting with them, which is a good thing right? Hahahahaha :D

All I want right now is to be able to get used to all the new stuff and yes, despite all the negativity from the above paragraphs, I'm still excited for what is to come, and as I've always said, I will learn to embrace and overcome all obstacles in my way, so 화이팅!