Learning

Didn't have time to update the past week, besides little photos here and there that expressed what I thought/felt at that time. It's been a whirlwind of a past week with me getting gastroenteritis and sort of finally getting the hang of things at work. It's been overwhelming with fatigue overcoming me in the mornings and tears welling up every now and then due to the information overload. But the colleagues have been more than helpful and friendly, which makes things easier in a way, at the very least emotionally.

Of course, just as I was getting comfortable with the workload, a new task of learning NCS and EP was dropped upon me and I had to forgo my final part of training with EEG already. Not that I was really good at it yet but 3 months to learn everything from scratch is a really daunting task right now, with the 3rd week already underway. So who was I to complain?

I've been trying to take down my barriers as well and start conversations with my colleagues, even though it may be over the most ridiculous topics. I know I'm not the most extroverted person, which makes this as outgoing as I can get for now, but I'm at least trying and that counts for something right? :)

On top of that, today I faced the most challenging patient I've had so far, albeit not alone, but the feeling of stress when he started acting up was something I was not expecting. I'm not allowed to disclose any information so I can't go into much detail but let's just put it this way, it required more than the expected amount of people to restrain and sedate him.

I realised during the period that he was with us that I've been taking a lot of things for granted. With him being so resistant towards the staff, we required the mum to help talk to and control him and I saw how strong this mum was, above and amongst everything else. Putting myself in her shoes, I would have broken down and cried, seeing my own flesh and blood being tied down and sedated over something that cannot be controlled. Tears had been creeping up on me during that period this afternoon but I suppressed them down. Had I been her, I probably would have been really frustrated throughout the entire test period but the amount of endurance and patience she showed me really amazed me, along with the patient's family of course.

I guess they would have been used to such episodes in their lives but having to deal with this on a daily basis takes a lot of effort and perseverance which I greatly admire. I would like to think I felt a slight sense of accomplishment, as I helped out to carry out the test, something opposite of what I felt just early this morning. I had quite negative thoughts after speaking to a colleague with regards to a future in this occupation. For those of you who have read my previous word posts, would know that I'm still quite uncertain about the path ahead, not knowing if this is what I really want. But after the episode, I want to remember that accomplished feeling and hopefully that would help empower me, knowing I have the ability to help patients, even though they aren't my original target audience when I first started planning out my career a few years back.

P.S. Gonna update again probably next week since there is an operation early tomorrow morning and my eyes can't stay open right now as well. *sleepyhead here*